After all that I have done for you. That statement! We all heard it at one point or another in our lives. For me, I would usually roll my eyes after hearing it because I felt, ahe ah. What’s the big deal? Now that I am a mother, I see the BIG DEAL! Oh, thank you to our mothers oh.
My first “after all that I have done for you” moment came one Sunday when Asempa was a little over one. I have a Sunday tradition of a pie and/or rock buns and Fanice/Fan Yogo. Like no matter how stressful my week has been, that is my humble treat that irons out all the creases. I’m not that hooked though. I miss it sometimes but on the Sundays I get it, I don’t play with it. On this particular Sunday, I had bought my pie and Fanice. When I got home, Asempa was interested so I allowed him to hold the pie while I held the Fanice. I will break a bit of the pie, I will allow him to suck a bit of the Fanice. At a point, I decided it will be better if we each had our share of the pie. I took the pie from him (he willingly gave it to me too), broke it into two unequal portions, gave him the smaller and that was it. The guy bore. Ei. I was surprised oh. So I’m like, oh sorry. I gave him the bigger, no. He still bore. I had an extra pie in the bag so I picked a full one to offer him, no. His tantrum was waaaay more important to him. This was probably his first real tantrum so it was very alien to me. Before I could even realise what I was thinking, I said those words in my head. “After all I have done for you, after doing exclusive breastfeeding, all that, you can’t even share a pie with me?” Charley, I was hurt! It’s funny when I think about it now. It wasn’t funny then though.
Just two days ago, I was tired. Ayemye had not been interested in the meal we took for supper so I decided to get some mashed kenkey done for him. I did the richest mashed kenkey you will ever take in your life. Outright rejection. He didn’t take it. The following morning, I tried it again. No. I had to eat my thing myself. Asempa had the rest of it later in the day. Charley, yeah, the food didn’t go to waste eventually but the mere fact that I was so tired but still pushed myself to get the mashed kenkey done and the person I did it for eventually did not have any, ah! It hurt! After all I have done for him!
Many times, the world makes it seem like it is wrong to feel this way. My theory after these few years of motherhood is it is not wrong. We are human beings and we have emotions. There are days when some of the things we do will mean nothing to us and others when it will mean so much to us that we will even be surprised ourselves. It’s okay. It’s okay to be human. Motherhood doesn’t take that away from us. The danger though is when things get to us so deeply that it begins to affect how we relate to people especially the kids. That should be your cue. You should know at that point that it’s time to stop, relax, take a rest. No, it is not time to feel guilty or to allow anyone to make you feel like you are a bad mother. No one can love your kids more than you do. No one wants the best for them more than you. So take a few minutes or so off and let life be. That meal can wait. The mess in the hall can wait. Even if you miss an appointment, you will get another one. Make use of an outlet, whether it’s talking to someone, playing a game on your phone, writing in a diary or even just lying down.
Laugh at yourself. Laugh at how pie and Fanice put a cut in your heart. Life is too short to be taken too seriously.
So yeah, one day, I will tell my children “After all I have done for you”. It is not a crime. I must only make sure I have taken care of myself so when I am saying it, I am not saying it with a bitter heart but it’s just a passing word.
Have you yet had an “After all I have done for you” moment? Do share in the comments below let’s all laugh at one another.
Remember a moment when your mum said same to you and you finally appreciate her for it? Do share too but more importantly, share it with her!